Thursday, October 27, 2005

Breathing Meditation for Stress

So last night, as I was evaluating all the stuff I have to in the near future, while sitting in my dorm room, I became stressed.

My first impulse was to heighten the experience, so that maybe I could feel a little more acknowledged in my stressed outedness! I sat on my chair and started to let the stress really manifest itself. The stress felt like annoyance. Annoyance that I have so many things to tackle. Annoyance that I had taken so many days off for the Jewish holidays. Annoyance in general! Shortly after that the thought of meditation came into my mind.

I thought "Hey, I've never really made an honest effort to meditate during the day to try and relieve my stress. Why not go on the net and see if we can find a how-to?"

So I ended up finding This Website which gave me some pretty concise instructions on an easy breathing meditation.

I read and followed the instructions carefully:

I found a place to sit: my bed with my back as straight as possible against the wall.

I focused on my breathing for around 5 - 10 minutes (it suggests 10 - 15 minutes actually). Any time your mind wanders, you are supposed to bring it back to paying attention to the sound of the air coming through your nostrils and into your lungs. Clearness of mind seems to be key.

I half closed my eyelids.

Sat there, enjoying the simple act of breathing, centering myself on an integral pillar of my existence.

It's great! On the instruction page it talks about how much it will affect your mood if you do it once every day for 10-15 minutes. I really did feel an elevation in mood after I finished my meditation. I was able to go back to my studying with an open heart and a calm mind.

I might try positioning the meditation exercise before bed every night, but who knows!

Anyone else have enlightening experiences with meditation?

Enlightenedly,

- Inkhorn

Friday, October 21, 2005

The year goes on!

Well my voice is back!

I'm still coughing a little bit, but it has been getting better every day.

The Jewish holidays are almost over. I'm definitely glad in a sense, as now I'll be able to get into the swing of doing more work every week, and feeling more productive. I do not like the feeling of missing out on class or opportunities to work every week. It is so wrong by this point. Being in school for so many years has really influenced me to become a kind of school patriot. I like it a lot! I like doing assignments, expanding my knowledge base, arguing in class, doing research and talking with Professors.

Some day I'll be outside of Academia and will have to get used to a whole set of different people, rules and behaviours. I do not have to worry about that now, however. School is a very structured environment which allows me to both pursue my academic interests and make interesting new friends.

If there is one thing I can definitely say about people at York it's that there are a lot of people with their own unique personal styles and personalities. Maybe I'm overgeneralizing but York is an incredibly left wing environment. In this environment (maybe more in the Arts disciplines) people tend to be less conforming and more different. I suppose it might be some kind of massive stage people are going through where they feel the need to define themselves and their boundaries. They're out of the high school environment and they either feel uncomfortable following norms, or they feel that they inhabit the norm.

As for me, I'm happy that I have friends that I can take with me in my journey through this part of life. Friends tend to be the mainstay of security when I'm feeling too alienated from the world due to too much work or some or due to some fault of my own. My friends definitely are not without their problems (then again, neither am I!) but they tend to be there. They have a presence which is accessible. They don't change drastically. I like who they are and trust them in the things they do.

Most of all, I trust myself. Right now, my self is telling me to get ready to get out a book for my Sociology course and read it in view of the mid term exam that is coming up on Thursday!

Studyingly,

- Inkhorn

Friday, October 14, 2005

Humbled by my Vocal Chords

Well Yom Kippur went well for me.

So well that not only did I take away intangible lessons from it, but also one big tangible lesson:

I lost my voice in the process of singing for my synagogue's choir!

I had a bit of a cough for 2 or 3 days before Yom Kippur started, but I didn't think it was anything serious. Apparently it got aggravated from my emotional prayer singing. After about noon time I could barely speak anymore. I think it was a mixture between the slight cough, the fast I was engaged in, and the singing that really did me in well. Today my voice is a little better than it was last night (I could barely say anything without lots of effort). It is still annoying to talk though.

Interestingly, I just had a conversation with a friend over lunch that consisted mostly of her talking, me listening, and responding with either hand signs that I came up with myself (definitely don't know ASL) or what I could muster by talking. It was definitely a change! I think she enjoyed the conversation for its novelty (I'm usually a pretty argumentative person when it comes to many things that can be argued). I think that due to the coincidence of Yom Kippur and losing my voice, a new lesson can be learned for the new year.

Even though I don't believe my listening skills are overall bad, I do believe they can be improved upon. I'm going to try to incorporate this into my behaviour in the future and see if anything interesting happens because of it!!

Unvocally,

- Inkhorn

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Yom Kippur

Yom Kippur - the day of atonement.

A very powerful day. Jews all around the world have opinions on their religion that range anywhere from the atheistic to the fundamentalistic. You can almost never get two Jewish people to agree, regardless of who they are or where they come from.

If there's one thing that still holds sway over many people, it's Yom Kippur.

I've heard of people saying that they feel guilted into going to Shul/Synagogue/Beyt Knesset. It's not something they do regularly but they feel bad if they don't go at least at some point. What better time to go than during the Day of Atonement. I was talking earlier with my "Low Anglican" Marketing Supervisor about atonement. She offered that pretty much every religion she could think of provided some outlet for forgiveness, atonement. It has to be part of the human condition that we get forgiven for the things we do, if we are to have any modicum of confidence as people.

I've made mistakes with people in the past. Sometimes I've felt like I couldn't do things the right way. I think it's at that point which a relationship stops being a relationship, and starts being some toxic dynamic of debt and guilt driven servitude.

Imagine how many times you've made mistakes in your relationships with other people. How many times you have said the wrong thing, or maybe said something you thought was right but it turned out to be hurtful. There is a lot of potential for us to screw things up with our fellow humans. We can't strive to be perfect, and we can't demand perfection out of other people. Expectations are rarely met to the fullest, so why impose them on people?

It is said in my religious tradition that when G-d created the world, He created it with solely Justice as the foundational principle. This was problematic; a world created with justice alone can not maintain itself for the better. This is why He added another element into creation - Mercy.

Maybe that's what Jews of all shapes, colours, sizes and opinions are hoping for. Maybe they don't conform to what traditional Judaism asks of them, but they do understand that for one day, G-d will show them mercy for all the stuff that they did in the past year.

This is something I'd like to take to heart and utilize in my relationships with people. If I can forgive people for their imperfections, then maybe that will help them be a little more confident about themselves than they already were.

Anyway I must get ready for Beyt Knesset now.

Atoningly,
- Inkhorn

Monday, October 10, 2005

My Date!

Well I just went out on my first official 'date' in about 2 years now.

I think the most prevalent thing that comes to mind when I reflect back on this date, and dates in general, is the notion of scrutiny. After I performed my usual hygiene rituals in the morning, I shaved my facial hair and made sure to put on some AXE - voodoo (is that a smell or a magical rite?). I wanted to look good. It's not that I feel that I have to change my whole body to be pleasing to someone else, but I definitely didn't want to be at the other end of the tidiness spectrum.

Anyway, I darted out of my room at just the right minute to make it on time to the spot where we planned on meeting. I arrived and, as soon as I saw her (oh you'd like to know names wouldn't you? Not on a public blog, sorry :) ) I was impressed with the way that she had done herself up!

Enter 'date' mode.

We walked through York Campus looking for a specific pub to be open on Thanksgiving so that we could sit and chat our hearts away. That didn't work: the campus was pretty dead! Instead of going to a pub today, we switched gears to movie date mode!!!

The movie phenomenon is quite an enigma for me. I never know what exactly to do during it - while on a date of course. I was sitting on my bed (yes, we had gone up to my dorm by this point) next to her throughout the movie. We watched 'Spaceballs' by Mel Brooks! It used to be an all time favourite but now I find it to be a little too well worn to really keep me entertained. Instead of focusing fully on the movie for entertainment, I suppose I was swept into a quandry about where the date was going.

What do you do during the movie? Where do you put your hands? What constitutes appropriate conduct?

Those thoughts, although at the back of my mind during the experience, were annoying enough for me to want relief through having some fun. I took various opportunities during the movie to be a bit of a tickle-monster. That was fun! I think it helped me feel more comfortable in the sense that there seemed to still be a physical barrier keeping us from going too far into each other. The good news is that it was accepted without any negativity. Very playful. Playful is good in my mind. Playful means the barriers aren't that fortified against the other person!

How was all of this construed? I'm not exactly sure, but I'm sure I'll find out in the near future!

In terms of the conversation: I think it went alright. I think we get along in a weird sort of way. I say weird because I didn't know what to expect from a girl who has a tendency to talk with a fast and sometimes professional tone. She's not monotonous however! In fact she can sometimes even sound pretty silly - in a good funny way. In addition to the sometimes-silly voices she uses, she also scrunches her face up when wanting to get that extra effect. Cute I think :) We generally talk quite a bit, but I think it will still take a while for some of the initial uncomfortabilities to be let down.

Wow, well that was the 'date' in a nutshell. Feels weird to do it after so long!

Again I wonder what she thought of it, but I feel that I really shouldn't be overly concerned!

Datingly,

-Inkhorn

Sunday, October 02, 2005

The Internet .... or Inter'threat' ?

So I was talking with my telephone חברותה (chavruta/study partner), from New Jersey, about a week ago. He was telling me about the latest issue to hit the Orthodox Jewish Community in his area, something that was soon to be resolved by a big community talk. *Cue evil music* The Internet!! Apparently there are those in his community who are afraid that if they let their children on the Internet then they are sure to find some pornography or some child molester; a consequence that will subsequently lead these kids to fall WAY off the דרך השם (the way of G-d/ religiously Jewish path).

I have to say that there is a certain truth to this. Having the internet on means that their children could have access to all sorts of ideas. These kids can: learn all about people who are bitter at the world, bitter at their religion, live different lifestyles then an Orthodox Jewish one, surely see pornography if that's what they're really looking for, chat with many different people, etc. The list goes on to infinity I believe.

Let's say I'm an Orthodox Jewish parent who, at once, is very concerned about the things that I subject my child to, yet on the other hand wants my kid to have a good education in technology. If I'm really computer savvy, I could figure out ways of preventing my kid from going to porn sites, chatting with people, or really doing anything but looking up some nice wholesome Jewish content. I could have my computer so well secured that I would never have to worry about what goes on with it. The only thing I would have left to worry about is my parenting style. Am I raising my kid in a way that s/he is not being stifled. Is my child psychologically healthy? Do I show my child that the world s/he lives in is a happy, secure place to be? Am I being so harsh that my child might want to seek out alternate lifestyles?

I see the answers to these questions as more integral than whether or not the Internet poses a threat to my child's religious well being. We are not raised in a vacuum tube which guarantees that when the internet gets added to our life only negative things will happen. We are raised in a familial and social environment that can either help or hinder our confidence in who we are . If you are attentive enough to how your child responds to your environment then you hopefully will be able to tell if exposing her/him to something like the internet (albeit a filtered internet) will be a bad thing.

This is only my opinion on this issue. A group of Rabbis will be meeting to discuss the possible benefits and detriments of not only having the Internet in the home, but also having a computer. I hope that they take into account the opportunity for job income that learning how to use a computer represents. It is a part of the Modern Western condition that people know how to use a computer. Taking this away is severely limiting. Unless they become an insular community that strives to provide all possible jobs for its population, I can't see how they can allow a thing like this to happen.

Signing off,

- Inkhorn

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