Back in Yeshiva!

I am back in Monsey New York, after a half a year of tending to some of the more exigent matters in my life (School, Job, Money, etc). The bus ride down here was not bad! It took us seven hours to get here, with three stops along the way. My travel partner and I met a really sweet little kid and her mother on the bus ride to Monsey. At first I got a bit annoyed at her because she kept wanting me to pay attention to her while I was reading. Eventually we all gave up and just paid more attention to this little girl, and it all got better. It was good entertainment along the way, until of course everyone got tired enough to go to bed.

I *tried* to do likewise while on the bus, but to little avail. I got what amounted to an extended period of closing my eyes and trying to relax. That seems to be what I get a lot of when I come down to this Yeshiva. Last night I didn't think I'd have much difficulty sleeping (I brought two pillows with me, of which one was very firm) but my prediction was very wrong. My back acted up again. It was one of those sleep attempts where each time I lie down to send myself into sleep mode my lower back gets more and more painful. I'll then have to stand up, walk around, wait until the pain goes away, then try sleeping again. Why would I consistantly have this problem when I'm down here at Yeshiva?

One possibility could be the poor quality of the mattresses made available to the students. Okay so this is possible, but I don't sleep on the greatest mattress while I'm at school, yet my back is fine while there! I also find myself sleeping on many other mattresses when I get set up to sleep over at peoples' places for shabbat. It could be that the mattresses here are extremely bad, but maybe it's something else...

Another possibility could just be that I have a very sensitive/bad back. I'm tall, with a high center of gravity. I am sure you can speak with many tall people who have bad backs for very similar reasons. Still the point remains that my back does NOT act up so much while I'm in most beds! Maybe yet another reason?

Something that I believe is contributing to this is the Yeshiva environment itself. Last night I had a very serious conversation about values with my travel partner before we went to bed. Granted it wasn't so serious that I was coaxed into a negative emotional state, but it got my mind running at many miles an hour. I always notice that when my mind runs at many miles an hour before bed that I have trouble sleeping. Being in the Yeshiva environment tends to be an immersive challenge for me, where I really have nothing to do but face this juggernautic system of values that can and will be different from some of the values that I've come to gather after 4 and a half years at my liberal University. I think that there's nothing wrong with being challenged, but there definitely is something wrong when I can't let my mind drop what I'm thinking/obsessing about in view of *good* sleep!

To help myself, I am going to make a concerted effort to meditate tonight before I go to bed. I will take a shower first, which should help loosen some muscles, and then I will sit down for 20 minutes and meditate. If, after all is said and done, the back pain is still there, I will cut my losses and pop another two advils!

Therapeutically,

- Inkhorn