Friendship, Community or Delusion?
Today I was invited to the wedding party of two people I have never met before. The person who invited me said that the groom had just moved to Monsey, New York in the past 3 weeks and had not established himself a firm base of friends. The groom had reportedly been studying in Israel previously, and did in fact have a great number of 'friends' there. Unfortunately for him, none of his 'friends' were able to travel to New York to join him in this hopefully-once-in-a-lifetime event!
I, and a number of other Yeshiva students who did not know the "Chosson" (Groom in Hebrew), went to the party to contribute to the joy of the event. It really made me think about what it would be like to be in the position of that man (I don't know if the "Kallah" - Bride in Hebrew - was in the same situation). Here we were, the other students and I, having an admittedly fun time singing, dancing and eating at the wedding party of two orthodox Jews that none of us had met before. What did he think of that? Were we borrowed friends, there to help him delude himself into thinking that he has the support of people who care for him? Were we fellow Jews, there to show him that where ever he goes his Jewish brethren are there to support him?
What is this I ask? A boon towards the ideal of community, where people are bound to one another despite any knowledge of each other, or something different?
What I do know is that any real friends of mine would travel for an occasion as special as a wedding party. I would love to have the people with whom I have grown share in the joy of that once-in-a-lifetime event. Over and above any custom asking people to make fools out of themselves to enhance the joy of the bride and groom (a Jewish tradition, ask if you want to learn more) I just want the people I love around me.
posted by Inkhorn @ 4:59 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
I totally agree with you, I can't imagine having total strangers at my wedding merely because they, too, are Jewish, and, supposedly, are "supporting" me... true friends would make the trip... moreover, did they not have any family members? Wouldn't the family members come? Sometimes I really have to wonder what these people are thinking, I wonder if they actually did think of all these strangers at their wedding as their substitute "friends"... delusion I say, delusion...
When I had the opportunity to study in Israel, it was a regular occurence to show up to a stranger's wedding party. In Israel, it is a common occurence for any Jew to come and fulfill the mitzvah of simchat chatan and kallah not as substitute friends, but simply as fellow Jews. While I would certainly hope that true friends would want to come to my wedding, one must keep in mind the financial burden of travelling from Israel to America. It is very one-sided to say that a true friend would come. A true friend may desperately want to come but may not have a couple thousand dollars to spare. And then they'd have to consider that they have another another friend in America getting married the next week, etc. It is a common predicament for people who went to school in Israel and moved back to chutz l'aretz.
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