Thursday, July 28, 2005

It's Picture Posting Time!!!!

It has been a while since the experience of being at Yeshiva has settled. Considering this, I think that it is time to revisit it by posting some pictures. I give permission for anyone at Ohr Samayach to download and distribute these pictures, otherwise I would like my permission to be asked if anyone else wants them.

Without further ado, here we go:


























And we're done! There are so many more pictures but I am afraid of posting more for fear of taking up so much room! If you'd like to see more then send me a reply to this blog with your email and I'd be glad to direct you to my online photo album!

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

My Saving Grace

Today I got my supervisor (who was previously my Statistics Professor) into a conversation about what one can expect if one is a retiring professor. My reason for asking about this was to figure out whether or not Professors got the opportunity to exercise their brain matter for as long as they wanted.

I think that it is important to be able to have some challenge in your life, whether you are young or old. If anyone is restricted from being able to challenge themselves, then how can they be happy? How can they be happy knowing that they've stopped being able to contribute to the world around them? I guess I don't see it as just an opportunity to do something for people (as noble as it is), but a constant opportunity to invest yourself into life. Meaningfulness is the name of the game here.

You might say that I am afraid of meaninglessness, and I would agree with you. It seems that I would not have to worry about that if I eventually became a Professor. My Supervisor told me that you can keep researching at your institution long after you have stopped your tenure at University. I think that it's such a beautiful thing. Not only are you contributing to scientific advancement in the understanding of the life in the world around you, bettering your environment, and providing opportunities that would not have been available if it wasn't for you, but you're also giving meaning to what YOU do. You are providing yourself with the opportunity to see as much of the fruits of your labour as you can. You're creating a feedback loop necessary for a succession of satisfying experiences (at least one should hope!!).

The problem was that after I had this conversation with my supervisor, it made me very restless and not able to do my work without being pretty distractable. I kept thinking about death. Scary word! 5 pm came around and I gladly took the opportunity to get out of the office wherein I work and prepare myself to meet a friend of mine. We walked on a trail, in a very natural park, near the school where we both work. It was such a great experience. It calmed me down, allowed me to stop and enjoy my surroundings, and also allowed me to connect with someone who is very nice to be around!

My saving grace in this world is enjoying what I experience. It sounds too idiotically simple but it's something which can easily be forgotten in our rushy world of commerce and mass production.

Stop and smell the roses, I believe the expression goes?

Thursday, July 21, 2005

And then he realized: it was nickel, not silver.

Ever since my last blog I have been asking many people for advice on applying to graduate school. In the process of doing so I have become a bit stressed out. There are so many options, so many does, and so many don't does. I would say the most helpful piece of advice which I have received so far came from a Professor under whom I worked this whole past year on my Independent Study Course. If I really want to apply to Clinical Psych in graduate school (once getting past the sheer improbability of getting in if it were up to chance) then I should get some sort of experience behind my belt that tells me if it is even the right thing to do in the end. I could, with more ease, get into a sub-discipline of Psychology that demands more research than anything else. I might even be interested in getting into Social-Personality, who knows? The main thing is that it is not what I want.

I want to explore the clinical world. I want to learn about personality disorder, the psychotic disorders, mood disorders. I want to learn treatment techniques/approaches. It's such a fascinating realm which I think I would enjoy thoroughly. It's just getting there which is rough. Now that I know I'd be competitive I have to fill out many applications for a number of different Universities, and at least 2 or maybe even three different subdisciplines of Psychology. I have to write personal statements giving numerous rationales as to why I want to contribute to that discipline. I have to go to information sessions, interviews, etc. etc. etc.

Okay so I am ranting. I should be happy - not that I am sad about all of this. I guess it is all the responsibility for my fate bearing down on my shoulders which makes me feel very serious. I suppose that is the mindset I will take until I make it into Graduate School. Then I can revert back to the normal stresses and challenges that school offers.

I really enjoy School when I've been at the same one for even 3 months. It's a sort of groove. A pattern that isn't quite stable but fluid, isn't quite fluid but stable. I can do this; it is a big task that just needs to be chopped up in to mini goals.

I feel like both football players and coach.

Ready?

Break!

Monday, July 18, 2005

Back to Academic Life!

It is nice to be back home in Toronto.

Someone seems to have wanted my homecoming to be as gleeful as possible in a number of ways. One of the first things I did when I came home was to check to see what I got in the mail. Several letters from York University arrived. The first one I opened was a letter explaining that I should take the opportunity to apply for a graduate school scholarship, as I am more than qualified to do so. That one was a big ego boost! Next was a letter telling me that I got on the seasonal Academic Achievement list for the 2004-2005 year. This one was not as much of a surprise considering that I know the conditions that you have to meet to get on it. It was still nice however! The third one was a pay stub from my jobs at York - no complaints here! Then the fourth letter that came for me was a 20 dollar checque from the Canadian Government for my tax returns. Okay so that was not so much but I figure that it is money in my pocket so I still choose to abstain from complaints.

I'm really excited about graduate school now. I never thought my school would mail me with a letter telling me to apply for scholarships. I do not think I would have been as comfortable approaching that kind of a procedure without such encouragement. The letter told me that if I feel my extra-curricular accomplishments were good enough that I should apply for a Rhodes Scholarship. That would be almost too good to be true if it could happen. I work two research assistant positions at York and volunteer for a number of people. I do not know if this counts as decent extra-curricular activity, but I intend on finding out. Applying can not hurt me. I do not expect that I will get it, but that would be spectacular if I could. Just imagine, the chance to study in Oxford University - it blows my mind.

I find that I don't tend to focus on the future as much as what I am doing in the present. I like the work that I do; it gives me a lot of intellectual stimulation, challenge and meaning. If they want to honour me for that then so be it. I guess that is why it came as surprise to receive such a letter, as I have not been prepping myself to receive any future honours. I like keeping my future planning truncated. Planning for things too long in advance makes me very nervous. I like living in the here and now. If I need to pick out a graduate school then I will do that this summer; an obviously necessary step. Some people plan their whole undergraduate careers from day 1. I can not understand that. Take the challenges that school handles you as they come along and be realistic. Acknowledge that you have a lot to learn and that every year is a new challenge.

I really do want to become a therapist. It seems to be where my talents are headed. Precedent to this goal, however, is my education. My education is the here and now and I am really enjoying it. Enjoying my education makes me feel like I don't need to be a therapist now. It makes me feel wildly curious, perpetually stimulated, respectful of those with more experience, connected to the material. It is a rich part of my life which I hope to never lose, even if/when I do become a therapist.

In addition to all the good news I received today I got to spend time with a friend down at Harbourfront Toronto. We walked along the lakeshore and just chatted about whatever came to our minds. It was an incredibly relaxing time; one of those instances where the passage of time becomes irrelevant and all that matters is the company that you are keeping.

Today will be one of those days that I should hope to draw upon when I am not feeling so on top of my game. One of those idyllic times that helps to slow down my heart beat and open me to the calm waves of tranquility.

*calm sigh*

Till next time,
- Inkhorn

Friday, July 15, 2005

Closing Thoughts

Considering how this is going to be my last full day at Yeshiva, I feel like writing some closing thoughts.

I've heard a lot of definitions of what "human nature" is here at Yeshiva. Whenever these words visit my ears it just so happens that alarm bells go off and I am forced to be critical of what the lecturer is trying to get across. One statement concerning human nature by one of the lecturers here was that humans are naturally violent. What does that mean? Does it mean that violence is an instinct? Does it mean that if you take away all the trappings of society and all inherent mores, norms, social codes, religion and laws that people will just go around hurting each other because they can not help themselves? I am sorry to this particular lecturer (who will not be named as I do not think it is fair to publically denounce him just because I disagree with him) but being in the Psychology program in University has taught me to think empirically. Something natural to a human being is a drive for example. If you want to empiricize a drive then do what B.F. Skinner did and talk about hours since the drive has been satiated. Hunger was Skinner's example. You feed the animal, and then deprive it for a certain amount of time and then experiment on it using food that it likes after a certain amount of deprivation. How are you going to empiricize the "Violence Drive"? Do you stick a Human in a box and deprive him/her of violence for a certain period of time and then see how much they'll do for the opportunity to do violence upon someone? What about gender differences in violence? Can we show that both Men and Women are equally violent? What about cultural differences in violence? Can we show that all cultures commit an equivalent level of violence? What about differences between people grouped by cognitive ability? Do intelligent people commit more or less violence than less intelligent people?

I will tell you my belief. I read in a Personality Psychology text book that people have a need to feel that they have mastery over their environment. This makes more sense than saying people need to be violent. Everyones' environments are different. Considering this, different things are going to be needed to master different environments. Different avenues are going to be made available to people to achieve this goal. Some people are going to grow up in tough, heartless environments, while some people are going to grow up in cold manipulative environments. Some people will grow up in warm, caring environments, while some people will grow up in emotionally bi-polar environments.

Given this, I think that some people are going to learn along the way (possibly with the help of lowered biological receptivity to emotion) that to master your environment you have to manipulate people to do what you want. In this process a person might realize that violence is either an option, or necessary.

The person who I am here describing is not meant to represent everyone. I might be foolishly optimistic but I do not believe that everyone will be violent (or choose violence) given the chance.

It can be a real toss up here. I have heard a lot of wisdom, and a lot of silliness. I have appreciated and respected the lecturers who try to stick to their area of expertise and not make claims that they are not ready to empirically validate.

That will be all for now. Today is my last Shabbat here in Ohr Samayach in Monsey, New York. It's been a very stimulating experience but it is definitely time to go back to work and pay the bills :)

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Converted...

I think I've finally been convinced that going to Orthodox Jewish weddings, where I have met neither the Bride nor Groom, is a fun activity. Last night was the third time I went to such a wedding during my trip to Monsey New York. Boy was it ever fun. These people spent tonnes of money on food, a live band (who played some really awful renditions of Beatles music), Wedding hall, Lounge Hall, and a Dinner hall with a huge dance floor. The appetizers were good enough to be dinner, the dinner was amazing, and the dessert was really tasty. The drinks!! If it were not for the drinks then I do not think I would have danced so much. Wow was I energetic. I think it was nicer this time due to the presence of other Yeshiva students who I have a better rapport with. It was a great experience to share with people. Hopefully I will have pictures to share over my blog after getting them from a student who remembered to bring his digital camera with!

Marriedly,
Inkhorn

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Thoughts about Political Thoughts

Being down in a religious town in New York has given me many opportunities to hear a variety of political opinions. I could go on about my response to each and every political opinion but I simply am not interested right now. Today a friend of mine was telling me about how annoying extreme left or right politics is, and how much she'd like to get her mind off of it. In many scenarios I do agree with her and would rather think of much more interesting things like Psychology, Religion, The Human Body, Friends, Family, School, Research and my future. I don't know what it is about political discussions that bother me so much but I really can't take too much of it.

I think it might be the idea that I have to completely close myself off to someone else's perspective. Sometimes I notice that such discussions strive to prove that someone else is wrong. That their whole system of thought/behaviour is the wrong way to go and their way is the way to go. I think that might be what I am uncomfortable with. On the other hand maybe I just have difficulties having my values challenged...

Definitely something to think about!

Coming down here has led to a lot of re-evaluation of what I hold to be true. It does take a lot more out of you to have a dialogue with people who don't agree with your values than with those who think the same as yourself. When I think about it that way it makes having my values challenged seem a lot more important. If people more openly disagree with what I think here then coming back here at some future time can only help to further solidify my thinking on the many different issues that concern life in 21st Century North American Society.

In sum: Social divisiveness and/or conscientious disagreement makes me uncomfortable. In either case it seems like I need to wake up and smell the diversity!!

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

The Feeling of Being Foreign

If I didn't have something covering my head every day it would be hard to consider me as anything but a Canadian first, and, if your eye is discriminating enough, a Jew second.

As a White, Jewish Canadian, I really haven't felt all too foreign growing up in Toronto. I speak English, I look like the people around me, I understand how to communicate with people within the parameters of the Torontonian WASP/Secular Jewish/Academic cultures. There is barely a problem, so why should I complain?

Being down in Monsey New York at this Yeshiva has taught me at least one reason to complain. I am foreign. Foreign to Russian Culture, Israeli Culture, South African Culture and all the respective languages. There is so much that I feel I'm missing out on. So much history, so many accomplishments so much connection.

It's simply amazing when someone can uproot themselves from all with which they are familiar and form a new history, new connections, learn new languages, and integrate themselves into a new culture. I have lots of respect for people who can manage that tension.

Is it good though? This is a curious question which I don't think I can possibly give one absolute answer to. Maybe I can enumerate the positives and negatives? Let's try:






Pros
The opportunity to become bilingual or more
The opportunity to enrich your life by examining others' cultural values
Encountering new foods
Meeting people whose mindsets differ due experiences unique to that country
Maximizing the possibility of finding a life mate
The opportunity to feel at home in two countries
Bringing a fresh perspective from your home country to the new country

Cons
Feeling uprooted from all that was familiar to you
Losing the security of your previous way of life if the host country is not concentrated with people who follow your traditions
Losing the opportunity to effectively raise your children with your values if the previous conditions are true
Losing the opportunity to speak your language on a regular basis if the conditions of the second point are true
Not being able to speak the language of the host country right away
(This applies to Canada) Not being able to benefit financially in the first number of years you reside in Canada because of all the roadblocks put in place for Immigrants
(Also applies to Canada) Not having your Post-Secondary Educational Degree recognized because your schools are not trusted
Experiencing multitudinous forms of prejudice






The upside about a number of the Cons that I enumerated is that they can be dealt with. Whole communities immigrate to new countries to enable individuals to feel more at home. After jumping through enough hoops an immigrant CAN benefit financially (it still sucks that they have to take so much financial harassment before that however). Canadian Universities (I don't know what happens down in the States) do accept some credits from Foreign Post-Secondary Institutions. Human Rights Codes ensure that it is possible to fight prejudice in your host country (at least we should hope they do).

I am convinced, for the time being, that immigrating to a new country does not have to be a bad thing.

The feeling of being foreign might creep up on me in my Canadian bound future, but hopefully I can learn enough about others (and others can learn enough about me) to bring that feeling down to a more comfortable level!

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Friendship, Community or Delusion?

Today I was invited to the wedding party of two people I have never met before. The person who invited me said that the groom had just moved to Monsey, New York in the past 3 weeks and had not established himself a firm base of friends. The groom had reportedly been studying in Israel previously, and did in fact have a great number of 'friends' there. Unfortunately for him, none of his 'friends' were able to travel to New York to join him in this hopefully-once-in-a-lifetime event!

I, and a number of other Yeshiva students who did not know the "Chosson" (Groom in Hebrew), went to the party to contribute to the joy of the event. It really made me think about what it would be like to be in the position of that man (I don't know if the "Kallah" - Bride in Hebrew - was in the same situation). Here we were, the other students and I, having an admittedly fun time singing, dancing and eating at the wedding party of two orthodox Jews that none of us had met before. What did he think of that? Were we borrowed friends, there to help him delude himself into thinking that he has the support of people who care for him? Were we fellow Jews, there to show him that where ever he goes his Jewish brethren are there to support him?

What is this I ask? A boon towards the ideal of community, where people are bound to one another despite any knowledge of each other, or something different?

What I do know is that any real friends of mine would travel for an occasion as special as a wedding party. I would love to have the people with whom I have grown share in the joy of that once-in-a-lifetime event. Over and above any custom asking people to make fools out of themselves to enhance the joy of the bride and groom (a Jewish tradition, ask if you want to learn more) I just want the people I love around me.

Tomatoes for Dinner?

This post was supposed to show up on July 1st, but due to technical difficulties surrounding the function on blogspot that is supposed to allow you to email in your posts, it did not work.




I arrived at Newark International Airport - in New Jersey - at 8:40 am yesterday, after a very easy 1 hour flight. I had some reservations about flying alone for the first time, but after a nice Jewish couple sat down and started talking to me my worries seemed to dissipate. I got my luggage, waited a while for my ride to come and then arrived at the yeshiva at something like 10:30 am.

They seem to have affected a non-pushy attitude for the people coming in whom they percieve to be what they call "Beginners". They don't want them scared away by all the incumbent obligations of Judaism. Butter them up with fun and then put the fear of the Lord into them might just be their game. I'm actually going minigolfing today!! Who has ever heard of a Yeshiva taking their bocherim out to go minigolfing?? I guess I had better milk it.

Yesterday I got the chance to do something very simple but very good at the same time. A bunch of students were taken to a place where donated groceries are loaded into individualized boxes and delivered to families without their having asked or known who did it. I'll post some pictures when i'm able to connect my digital camera to a computer (which will in all likelihood happen when I get back home). It was a really heartwarming experience to see around 30 people working with their hearts to get food to needy families. Seeing what went on and participating in it myself really rubbed off on my mood. I loaded many pounds of: peaches, apples, peppers and onions.

Just the thought that something so simple can help someone, even temporarily, is really great.


Till next time!

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